Last Days in Arkansas
I spent my last few days in Arkansas in grand style, and I have pictures to prove it. That’s right—it’s photojournalism time.
Exciting Thing #1: The Drive Through Wilderness Safari
For the past two years Julie’s been threatening promising to take me to the drive through animal safari. This year she delivered.
I know what you’re thinking: a safari in Arkansas? What the heck kind of animals will it have? Goats and armadillos?
Well, yeah, it did.
But in addition to the regular farm animals and assortment of mangy cats, they had black bears, wolves, peacocks, and real jungle cats (tigers as well as lions). I even touched a baby tiger.
Here’s Chloe the monkey. She’s a klepto. We were warned that she’d try to steal anything shiny, so I put my earrings in Julie’s pocket for safekeeping. It turned out that it was futile—Chloe pick-pocketed Julie. That was after the monkey jumped on my head from behind. Three times.
We had a Jurassic Park moment on the drive through portion of our visit, except instead of dinosaurs we were inundated with ostriches. Demon ostriches (note the glowing eyes).
Then Julie introduced me to my new boyfriend. He’s a rock star. He’s got style.
Exciting Thing #2: Box Suite at the Game
Last weekend, we went to see the Naturals (a minor league team) play. From a luxury suite, of course, because that’s how we roll.
At the game, I realized having a rock star boyfriend was overrated. He never stuck around and was always chasing other chicks. So I threw him over for…
It was love at first sight. Don’t worry—Sasquatch promised he’d groom his eyebrows and nose hairs for me.
Goodbyes, and Other Incidents
First, meet Jasper:
Jasper was determined to get my attention. I resisted, so he finally resorted to extreme measures: stealing my flip flop. He looks innocent, doesn’t he? Don’t believe it. He's a thief. He and Chloe should hook up.
And now...
I’m headed back to San Francisco—just for a few days before I’m off on another Big Adventure. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I’m looking forward to walking my beach. On the other, I already miss Julie, her daughter, and the other friends I have here. But I’ll be back.*
* Note to Julie: that wasn’t meant to sound as threatening as it did.
Mad Cow Running, and Other Tales of the South
Last night I asked my sister what I should blog about today. She said, "Blog about me. I'm always an interesting blog topic."
And she's modest too.
But enough about her.
And on to me. I'm in Arkansas, making my annual trip to visit to my friend Julie Linker. As of this moment, I have not
- shot anything;
- seen a scorpion;
- gone night fishing;
- eaten catfish and hush puppies;
- or shared moonshine with a redneck.
But give me time—I still have a couple weeks here.
Julie and I have babysat a mad cow though. Yesterday, Gary (Julie's husband) was at a friend's house helping him move some cows into a different pasture. Julie, her daughter, and I decided to join them, not to herd but to sit by the pool and read. We have our priorities straight.
Except we got put on mad cow duty. One of the steers was supremely pissed to be penned away and was doing its best to get out. Gary and his friend went out to buy fence reinforcing materials, instructing us to keep an eye on the cow.
After the men left, I turned to Julie. "So we're supposed to watch to make sure the cow doesn't escape?"
"Yes." She calmly flipped the page of her book.
I listened to the cow furiously kicking the barn door. "And what are we supposed to do if it does?"
"I don't know about you, but I'm going to run."
Fortunately, it didn't escape until after our watch.
Next...
Julie and I are headed to Orlando this week for the RWA National conference, which means we've been plotting our wardrobe over the past few days. Somehow, she decided I'm going to wear a silver sequined dress to the Rita Awards (the romance industry's equivalent to the Oscar Awards). Picture the shortest, most blinding dress you can and you'll have an accurate image of the dress. If you're going, you won't be able to miss me. I'll be the walking disco ball—walking because the dress is too tight to sit in.
In other news...
Those of you who follow me on Twitter know I've been painting. If you aren't following me on TWITTER, shame on you.
Anyway, yeah—watercolors. I'm not sure what possessed me. I haven't painted in a coon's age, since I was knee high to a tick. (I'm in the South and have to say things like that or I'll have my Visa revoked.) I love it. Today I should be writing, but I'm tempted to take my paints to the café instead of my laptop.
Don't worry. I'm not giving up the day job. McLovin and I are headed to work right now. A girl cannot live by paint alone. At least not this girl.