And... she's back!
Sightings of a woman in a purple tutu have been reported throughout San Francisco.
Has Kate Perry returned?
“I saw her!” one witness exclaimed. “I was in Readers Café at Fort Mason, ordering coffee. Well, actually, I was getting a latte. Their lattes are so delicious. They use Blue Bottle coffee, you know. Anyway, I paid and was leaning against the counter, waiting for the barista to finish my drink when I happened to look over to the couch, and there she was. She was sitting plain as day in her tutu, feet in sequined flip-flops propped on the table. My first thought was that woman’s mother obviously never told her not to put her feet on the furniture, but then I realized it was Kate, and it all made sense.”
The baristas at the café refused to confirm the sighting. “We don’t divulge our customers’ identities. I mean, like, you should totally be entitled to privacy while you drink your coffee, you know?” one of the morning crew said.
A downtown stockbroker also claims to have seen Kate Perry. “I have to say, it was after a long day, and the bar was dark. It could have been anyone, but I’m pretty sure it was Kate. She had her sidekick McLovin with her. She looked hard at work, and she drank a dirty Martini with three olives. It had to be her. Kate likes them dirty.”
“I haven’t seen her,” said one Ocean Beach resident, pouting. “It was such a comfort seeing her prowl the hood in her tutu and heels. When she was out, you knew something interesting was about to happen. Life isn’t the same without her.”
“I think all the confusion is because she’s not hanging out in her usual haunts,” local Kate-expert Rufus Jackson explained. “If you know where to look, you’ll find her. And if you know anything about Kate, you know she’s not one to just disappear."
A confidential source close to Kate confided, “Yes, Kate’s back, and she’s bigger than ever. You just wait—she’s going to blow your mind with what she’s got up her sleeve. Or, in Kate's case, up her cape.”
On The Run
August 9, 2011
This morning, Kate Perry's press manager reported that she will be taking an "extended vacation."
"What this means," the PR guru explained, "is that Kate will take a few weeks off from her blog in order to regroup."
The news came as a shock to many people, including her own support staff. One barista at Readers Cafe, Kate's favorite work spot, said, "I never thought I'd see the day. I mean—DUDE—she's dedicated. She was in here every-frickin-day writing. She's a machine. Even on holidays. I just don't believe it."
Kate's PR person clarified: "She isn't going to stop writing. In fact, Kate's working on a couple exciting new projects. This break from her blog is simply so she can pour her energies in these new ventures. Trust me—you'll like what she's got going on."
Some, however, weren't surprised when our writing superstar declared her intention to step back from the limelight. "She's been on edge for a while now," McLovin, her trusty laptop, said. "It's not surprising. Even when she's on vacation, she makes sure her blogs and guest blogs are timely and entertaining. No one could sustain that sort of bubbliness indefinitely. But I knew she was going to crack the day she threw her furry slipper at me and screamed, 'I just need a break!'"
"She actually threw something at McLovin," one witness said. "I couldn't believe it. She loves that sucker."
When asked if Kate was on the run, McLovin poo-pooed the notion. "She's not a fugitive, she's just an overextended writer. She wants a few weeks of peace and quiet to finish work on her new project. It's not a big deal. She's not turning into the Unibomber. At least, I don't think so."
Kate's press manager assures us everything is okay. "She'll be back eventually. In the meantime, you can follow her on Twitter. She'll continue tweeting."
Kate was unavailable for comment.
Dear Rodrigo
Dear Rodrigo,
We've been together a long time. They've been wonderful years, but I find myself needing to branch out now—to try something new. I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to come out and say it: I met someone new. Her name is McLovin.
Yes, it's a her. I know—I was surprised too. As you know, all my consorts have been male. I've never had a female before, but since I'm in this mode of trying new things, I decided to accept it and just go with it. McLovin is sleek and smart and sexy, and I'm quite taken with her. The name, I admit, is a bit unconventional, but when have I ever been attracted to the norm?
I'm sorry it had to come to this, but you have to admit we had a great run. I'll always remember the trips we took together—especially Buenos Aires—and the way you stuck by me through tough deadlines, staying up late with me to get things done.
You'll find someone to love you again. You're a great guy—reliable and solid. Yes, you've been around the block, but you still have miles in you, and someone is going to love to travel those miles with you.
Adieu, Rodrigo.