Distracted by Alyssa Milano
It's my last day in Florida. The trip so far: a success. In a moment, I'm going to give you a few highlights, but first let's talk about Alyssa Milano.
Why, Kate? I don't understand, you say as you scratch your chin.
Allow me to elucidate. I was a bit iffy on whether I wanted to write about this segment of the trip, even though staying in a retirement community in Florida is a hoot (you'll see soon). So I googled interesting blogs, thinking I might get inspired if I looked at other interesting posts.
On the first site I opened, there was a link for Alyssa Milano's ten favorite blogs. Of course I had to check that out, right? I was SERIOUSLY disappointed that my blog wasn't on her list, and I was VERY surprised that three Dodgers blogs were. Apparently she has her own Dodgers blog as well. You learn something new every day. Would you have guessed her for a hardcore baseball fan? Just goes to show you that people have layers.
Onward!
Because you want highlights from Florida, I know.
- We stayed at with my Magic Man's grandmother, who lives in a retirement community in Delray Beach (a very quaint Floridian town). All the people in this gated community were escapees from New York. If you closed your eyes, you would have thought you were in Queens. Very surreal. One lady said to me, "I'm from New Yawk." I wanted to say "Duh" but I just nodded and smiled sweetly.
- My first day here, an agèd Lothario offered to serve me apple martinis poolside. Needless to say, I rocked the edits I was working on. I think. Ahem.
- We taught the Magic Man's tiny, sweet ninety-eight year old grandmother to speak gansta. Watch out, or she'll bust a cap in your tush.
- We kicked off my birthday month with cupcakes from Cupcake Couture. I got "Mounds-olo Blahnik"—chocolate cupcake with coconut topping. All the cupcakes were named after posh brands, like "Donna Karrot." I was pleased they served me even though I didn't accessorize with a chihuahua that day.
Next up...
New Orleans! Stay tuned for next week, when I eat beignets and my sister walks arm-in-arm with a man in a banana suit.
The Week
People think writing is exciting, but it's not—unless you're the type of person who finds sitting on your ass all day a thrill. So, really, I hardly ever have an exciting week. Most weeks consist of a lot of typing punctuated with the occasional mild pleasure—like finding a dollar in the pocket of your jeans.
However, this past week was truly action-packed and exhilarating. So exhilarating, I thought you guys would totally be entertained by all the festivities. But then I ran into a snag.
The snag: somehow all that excitement didn't translate into an interesting blog article.
Bummer, right? Fortunately for you, I have a few pictures from the week. Unfortunately for you, the pictures are still boring. Oh well. Deal with it.
Last week my friend Lou¹ asked me to be his +1 at the launch party for Bulleit Rye a) because his wife couldn't make it and 2) because I love whiskey. The first person I met was Tom Bulleit. He and I discussed San Francisco and the Presidio over a glass of his finest.
Next to Tom is his daughter Hollis, who chatted with me and Jorie (one of the bartenders at Zero Zero) about drag queens and real boobs.
There were all sorts of cocktail stations set up. This is the interactive bar:
I made a beeline there, thinking interactive meant I'd get to mix drinks or—I don't know—dance on the counter. None of that happened. But Dominic (the bearded dude on the right) did make me an awesome cocktail with rye and coffee liqueur.
The thing about going to the launch party for rye is that almost everyone is drinking, ergo conversation is interesting. That afternoon, I discussed Presbyterians, cupcakes, Ron Jeremy's mustache, writing, and breaking into hotels to use their swimming pools. I'm chalking the event down to one awesome research trip.
Speaking about research... On Sunday, Macy's was offering a cupcake class.
I always need to do research on cupcakes, so of course I attended. I thought they'd lecture us about Spring trends for cupcakes and then give us some samples. I didn't realize it was a cupcake decorating class. My table was supposed to make this flower:
But when I got my allotted supplies, I realized I needed to make a monster instead. Meet Ralph:
He's a happy monster, not the kind that hides under your bed. He really needed blue fur instead of yellow, but I had to use what they gave me. (I wouldn't be surprised to find out that cupcake chefs moonlight as prison guards. They were hardcore.)
Really, I just wanted to eat cupcakes. My beloved told me I should have cut out the middleman and gone to a cupcake store instead. Very true. I could have hung out in a cupcake boutique all afternoon without having to work for my cake.
In other news... Remember the whole "sitting on your ass all day" them I started this blog with? That's what I've been doing. I'm rewarded for my efforts because I'm on the home stretch with my book. Except last week I had a panic about what was supposed to happen on the way to the resolution, so I mapped it out. Behold the end of my book:
The end is nigh. And then: a celebratory rye.²
¹ Photos of the Bulleit Rye launch are courtesy of my friend Lou Bustamonte. He and I went to high school together. We were the cool kids, and we still are.
² Yes, I realize that a career in poetry is probably not in the cards for me.
Mardi
Having FINALLY finished the book I've been working on (a month after my self-imposed deadline, by the way), I think I should take a small vacation from writing. Sensible, don't you think? Which means no blog.
I know. I talk tough, but you called my bluff. I'm writing a post even though I'd really rather be reading right now. If I hadn't already read Veronica Wolff's new release, DEVIL'S OWN, that's what I'd curl up with. But since I've already read V's book perhaps three of four times (and it was excellent each time) I'm opting for Rachael Herron's HOW TO KNIT A HEART BACK HOME, or UNDER THE TABLE (a saucy tale from culinary school).
Or I might go on the roof and bask in the perfect San Francisco day. The view from the roof is fairly spectacular:
I'd sit up there, watching the sailboats on the bay. I'd probably drink a milky coffee too.
Or, if I could have anything in the world, I'd hang out with my sister:
Even though she gives me that beleaguered "the things I do for my sister" look when I ask her to take a picture ASAP and send it to me. She looks more like a New York editor here than my sister, which would make sense since she actually is an editor in New York.
Anyway, if P and I were together, you'd think we'd go for pi. (Get it??) But we'd opt for cupcakes. St. Cupcakes, to be exact:
But P is in New York, I'm in San Francisco, and the cupcakes are in Portland. We were a triangle doomed from the start.
Perhaps instead of writing my blog, I should do my toes. Currently showing: Wined Up. I'm thinking I might be more in a Princess Pink mood though. Or Red Hot Chili. Opinions?
Of course, now that I've posted a photo of my toes, I'm going to get all sorts of freaky fetish people coming by, because I need more strange people trolling my site. (Take that as you will.)
Dear Freaky Foot Fetish Folks: please move along. My toes aren't very nice and, you can't tell, but I have no toenails on my last two toes. (I like to think of myself as highly evolved.)
Or, since it's Mardi Gras, I could just start partying now.
Why wait for this evening's festivities? I've got beads, a cabinet full of liquor, and a roof. What more do I need? Plus I finished that damned manuscript—that's cause to drink and flash people in itself.
Dear Freaky Fetish Folks: I was totally joking when I said I'd flash people. Move along. Thank you for your patronage.
PC vs. Mac
I was going to write about the World Cup today, but I'm going to spare you for a number of reasons. Like the fact that most of you probably don't care about men chasing a ball back and forth across a field (although you would if you realized how hot said men were). Another reason is that I plague—um, entertain you with World Cup adventures every time it comes around, so maybe this year I'll give you a break.*
So what does that leaves me to write about? Computers, of course.
Specifically my sister's computer, Tartine. Tartine has been sick lately—alternately sluggish and feverish—so Parisa decided it was time to do open-motherboard surgery. She downloaded a Dell manual to my laptop, found the right sized screwdrivers, and began to perform the operation. Because I'm fascinated by all things technical I sat and observed, impressed by the way she methodically laid out each piece in order. Then she paused.
P, staring at Tartine's keyboard: This part makes me nervous.
Me: When I took Rodrigo apart, this part made me nervous too. I was afraid the plastic was going to snap in two.
P: You took Rodrigo apart?
Me: A couple times.
P: Have you taken McLovin apart yet?
Me, looking aghast: One doesn't take a Mac apart. One takes a Mac to a Mac store and let's them deal with it.
P, with a thoughtful look on her face: I wonder if it's because of the unicorns.
Me, wondering if she's inhaled too much dust from the motherboard: Unicorns?
P: I believe that if you opened one up, you'd find unicorns and fairies running around doing your bidding. And magical waterfalls. Think about it. Why else would people be so fanatical about Macs if they weren't magical? Which would be why they wouldn't want you to open the case yourself.
Me: You may be right.
So I've been watching McLovin really closely, hoping to catch a glimpse of the magic in action. I'll let you know when I discover anything concrete. I did sneeze a couple times as I wrote this post. Fairy dust perhaps?** We shall see.
* Note: there are still weeks of games, so I may totally backpedal and post about the games anyway. Especially if Argentina makes it to the finals.
** Note to the Mac fairies: if you read this, maybe you can sprinkle some fairy dust on the Argentinian team? You know, if you're not busy.