Definitely Nice
Dear Santa,
You and I are like this.
Don't roll your eyes. I may not rock the fabulous belly or have enough red fur in my wardrobe, but we have one BIG thing in common: our love of lists. The only thing better than a list is sticky notes. But—dude—in your line of work, sticky notes would get out of control really quickly. Plus, with all the traveling you do, your current method is much more efficient. I totally get it.
So this list of yours... You know the one I'm talking about—the one you're checking twice.
I know in the past years, there’s been some debate about which column I fall into. Not so this year, let me assure you! I’ve been the best girl EVER. It’s almost killed me, but I’ve made it, and I think you realize that too.
Because I’m such a good girl, I’m even going to help you out by putting together a short list of things you could bring me. You know how I’m zodiacally predisposed to wanting new, shiny things? Well, this year, I’m going for modest.
No, really.
All I Want for Christmas: Kate's List, Not the Song
My sister.
I’m already getting her from someone else. Sorry, Santa. Snooze, you lose.
New tango shoes.
I know, I know—I haven’t been out dancing in forever. What do I need a new pair of tango shoes for?
Because I want them. Duh.
Also, I’m making a commitment to go dancing at least once a month from now on. Life is too short not to tango, especially when you enjoy it so much.
A note on the shoes: I wear a 36, and Greta Floras are a must. Not that I don’t like the peacock blue, but my preferred color is silver. Except—you know—do what you have to do.
Clothes.
You don't want me to get hypothermia, right? So perhaps a few warm things to augment my wardrobe. A couple long sleeves T-shirts and thin sweaters to layer over my tank tops would be much appreciated. I may also need the cute denim skirt I saw at American Apparel. Based on the outfits I’ve seen Mrs. Claus wearing, I figure you’ll be all over the skirt. You appear to be a leg man.
A trip with my Magic Man.
Somewhere warm, please. Maybe a beach getaway, where he can frolic in the surf and I can lounge in the sun and write. I’m even willing to compromise and only go away for two weeks instead of two months.
A new kitchen.
Don’t roll your eyes at me, Santa. It may be a tad difficult to get that much foliage outside my windows, considering I’m on the fourth floor, but do try. Also, you’re going to have to stretch out our apartment. But—heck—if it’s easier just to give us a new condo, I’m good with that.
Also, I wouldn't scoff at some shiny new Le Creuset pans to go with my shiny new kitchen. Maybe in green. Or whatever color you have left at the end of your route. I'm not picky.
Does that give you enough to work with? My main concern is making your job easier for you. Think of me like your little helper, minus the green tights and pointy hat.
Happy Holidays, big guy!
Smooches,
Kate
Christmas in Argentina
Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bartolomé, Argentinian marketing representative of Claus International.
Well, my title doesn't do my actual job justice. I'm more of an elf-of-all-trades. I do marketing, PR, and update the company website. I also step in to help support when they get overwhelmed by the volume of correspondence to the Big Guy. And, in the off-season, I help in the stables. Rudolf requires a lot of, shall we say, attention. Champagne baths, massages with walnut oil (for a shiny coat), hot toddies twice a day for his voice... He is such a diva.
But you don't care about all that. You're wondering if Christmas is going to come to Argentina. Let me assure you, Papá Noel will make it all the way down south.
Maybe it'd be best if I referred you to some of our propaganda literature for further clarification.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Does Mr. Claus actually make it all the way, like, to Buenos Aires even? It's pretty far from the North Pole.
A: Yes, it's a long trip—Buenos Aires is far south—but we at Claus International are committed to excellence.
Q: Isn't it hot in Buenos Aires? That's so un-Christmas-like.
A: We realize that 80F weather makes for a different Christmas, but the essence is still there.
Q: Only won't Santa be hot? He wears all those layers and, let's face it, he's got some insulation on him.
A: Please don't be concerned for Mr. Claus. His sleigh is fully equipped with ventilation.
Q: But what about heat stroke?
A: We assure you, Mr. Claus will be fine. Really.
Q: Does he speak Castellano? Because they don't speak normal Spanish in Argentina.
A: No, but Donner is quite the linguist.
So if you're in Argentina, don't worry. If you've been nice, you're good to go. If you've been naughty... Well, there are certain exemptions south of the equator. Email us—we'll see if we can work something out.